Accountability and Affirmation, Baby Version 2.0

Oh. Hello.

You know, I've missed the blog. I spent some time the other night reading old posts and reliving some of those memories. Pretty nuts.

So I guess the most obvious question would be, "Why haven't you written if you missed it? Couldn't you just write and then not miss it?"

To which I say, that's a fair point.

I guess the most obvious answer is the dramatic lack of conflict from my life in the months since I last wrote. I typically like to write to exorcise, you know, feelings. And I mean, the desire to exorcise good feelings just isn't that strong, you know?

I'm 30 (I know right? What the fuck.), and I'm more content than I've ever been -- for a lot of reasons. The lovely Lola (aka Emily haha) re-entered my life last spring, and it's been a whirlwind of awesome since. The friends with whom I debauched previously are more settled, too.

In short (LULZ, yeah right, BG), writing things like, "Today I felt good," over and over wasn't as appealing.

And so I guess the second most obvious question would, "Why write now then?"

To which I say, suck on it and like it. I don't know! I just felt like it. Whatevs!

OK there's sort of a reason. One of the main things I wrote about was my weight-loss odyssey. Well, I'd like to restart it. When you're in a happy relationship, and you're content and satisfied, I think the natural tendency is to slide a little. You eat out a little more. You eat a few more cupcakes than you should. Etc. Etc.

Did I undo everything I worked so hard for two years ago? No, no, no. I put back a few pounds though, like you do, and I'd like to unput them back on. So I figured, why the eff not. It helped last time. Let's give it another go.

So what's the plan?

Well, I have a new job (HEY OH), and my office building has a full gym in it with treadmills, free weights, weight machines, etc. Free access to a full gym? Sold. I'm planning on three days of weights and three days of running. I'll stick to the treadmill for now because it's the dead of winter and PASS on running outside when it's colder than 50.

Sound good? Good.

And of course I'm hoping for plenty of pithy posts, containing too many sentences begun with conjunctions. Because that's how I roll.

Who knows -- maybe I'll even write something some of you find entertaining from time to time. But don't hold your breath, AMIRITE. I'm so rite.

Questions? Comments? Concerns? You know where to find me.

-BG

Lighting the Fuse

A couple of brief notes before I really get to writing:

I feel like I need to share my dream from Friday night. Two friends from work joined me in helping a third co-worker friend move. We were all really excited because one of the co-workers brought her friends.

The band from the awesomely 90s TV show California Dreams. The characters, not the actors.

They helped us with the moving, and then they let me jam with them. Like you do. Oh, and it was the original lead singer, Matt, who was there -- not Jake, the later guy with the leather jacket. You know, FYI.

Don't wake me up if I'm dreeeaaammin'. And they didn't! So that happened.

And this happened, too. File this under "Reasons I Sometimes Wonder How I Survived to 29."

If you read this space in the Fall, you may remember me talking about the movie 50/50 and how I really wanted to see it. Well it came out on Bluray/DVD last week, so I wanted to rent it.

I stopped by the Redbox at the grocery store across the street. I'd never used Redbox before, and I was surprised you can only pay by credit card. So anyway, I went through the menus, and I found 50/50. I paid my $1.27 and looked at the movie. It's a DVD. Dammit I wanted to get the Bluray. Watching anything NOT in HD on my TV is very distracting because of the size of the TV. #firstworldproblems

But it was only $1.27, right? I'll just return it and pay another $1.27 (for a total of $2.54) and still be getting a pretty solid deal. Well. I returned it and went through the screens again only to discover the Bluray version of the movie was out of stock.

So I paid $1.27 to hold the DVD ever so briefly. And I had to rent it from OnDemand for $6. And I have to say, it's now one of my favorite movies. It was so, so good. Naturally, it reminded me of Erik, which I was expecting, so there was definitely some sadness. But it brought a lot of happy memories back, too, and the movie was just great. Go see it. Immediately.

Also, I may or may not be (but definitely AM) completely in love with Anna Kendrick now. I'll have to check out some of her other work -- most notably, the George Clooney movie Up in the Air, which I did not see when it came out.

Anyway. I want to write very briefly about Saturday. I don't intend for this to be a really long post, but we all know what usually happens when I start rolling.

Saturday was Jan. 28. It marked one year since I relatively unexpectedly became unemployed. As I was getting out of the shower on Saturday and dancing to "I Want You Back" in the bathroom, it struck me what that meant. And I felt compelled to write.

I will never forget that day. It had snowed a few days earlier, and my car experienced a near catastrophe when a large tree branch fell directly on it. Luckily, because there was nearly a foot of snow blanketing the entirety of the car, the branch had a nice cushion when it hit. There was no damage.

I managed to dig out over the next day or so, and I headed to work that Friday morning. Two of the partners called me into one of their offices early that morning and explained what was happening. I packed up my things and headed home, unemployed.

As I sat on the metro that morning, it started to snow again. I felt like I was sitting outside my body, watching the scene unfold. I had no idea what I was going to do. The ex-girl and I signed a lease to move into a townhouse the previous night.

I called my parents and told them what happened. I didn't want to bother the ex-girl at work because she likely couldn't have answered the phone anyway, and, in the first of a series of related bad decisions, I didn't want to burden her with it right away.

We went to dinner that night, and I told her in the car. It was exactly as devastating as I expected it would be. The next day, I explained the situation to the guy who would have been our landlord, and he let us out of the lease. Tough few days, really.

And here's something that seems incredible today: I didn't tell Mike until March 17. Almost two months went by before I told him. Ridonk. It's funny because if something similar were to happen now (God forbid, geez), I feel like I'd probably call him during the meeting. Lulz.

I'm not going to go into the rest. I already wrote it this month in my year in review (Part 1, Part 2, Part 3).

It's just that when I realized what the date was, I knew I needed to write something about it. It was the day that lit the fuse, man. It set off a chain reaction of events that led me inexorably to where I am today.

So in a lot of ways, I am thankful for it because I am so thankful for where I am now. If it hadn't happened, I might not have hit the rock bottom I needed to hit to turn things around; I might not have lost all that weight; I might not have joined the softball team; I obviously wouldn't have found the job I have now; I might not have met all the wonderful people I've met since then; I might not have had the opportunity to figure myself out to the degree I have; and so on and so on.

It certainly is hard to dispute I am better off in every way now than I was then. It's funny how things that seem so terrible at the time end up being the catalyst for incredibly positive changes, actions and behaviors.

So there you go. January 28, and I am so much better off than I was a year ago. Pretty crazy how things work out.

-BG

2011 Part 3: Livin' Life for a Living

First of all, sorry for the incredible delay in getting this written. Last week was one of the most ridiculous weeks of work I've ever experienced. Don't get me wrong! It was awesome. I had a lot of fun being that busy, but I was just that: very, very busy.

Anyway, here we go!

So here's the thing about me. I've never had terribly high self-esteem. I don't have low self-esteem either. I don't know. I'm perfectly happy with most of me, and I think I'm fine. But I very, very rarely look in the mirror and think, "Damn, son. Nice."

Well. When I woke up on the morning of April 17, I weighed almost 230 pounds. When I woke up on the morning of Sept. 3, I weighed 188. Needless to say, I was feeling it. I walked Allie early that morning to get the blood flowing, and I got myself ready to go. I had a 5K to run!

I got my running gear on, and I was ready. And for the first time in, well, maybe ever, I looked in the mirror and thought, "Now you're talking. I am looking good today." And then I killed the race -- improved on my time from the previous year by more than five minutes. It was an unbelievable feeling. Such a great day.

And really, thus began what continues to be the most ridiculous time of my life.

The last third of the year turned 2011 from one of the most difficult years of my life into one of the most fun, rewarding and fulfilling years of my life. It all started with that 5K. I blew my goal out of the water, which sent my self-confidence skyrocketing. Shortly thereafter, I hit my lowest weight in more than six years, clocking in at 186 pounds.

It had been years since I felt that good. And oh boy did the good times keep rolling.

Two weeks later, I made plans to visit Raleigh for the first time in a year. I coordinated with Mike and Nick and a few others to get tickets to the N.C. State football game that weekend, and we were going to make a big deal of me being in town. I got a hotel that allowed dogs, and Allie and I made the trek to Raleigh.

That weekend was to be the first time Mike and I hung out in person since we became best friends. It did not disappoint.

I don't need to rehash the weekend. I already wrote about it, so feel free to check out those stories (Part 1, Part 2). Suffice it to say, it was the first of many experiences where Mike and I could only look at each other and exclaim, "That just happened." It was the origin of the desire for the anonymous blog.

That weekend had everything. Old friends I hadn't seen in a while, new friends, lots of dancing, football, Lilly's Pizza. It was the perfect outlet for everything I'd been building toward all summer in terms of getting into better shape and blowing up my energy level. So great.

It helped me to realize I was getting things in order. My life was starting to line up in ways it never had before -- in ways that were really exciting to me. I still didn't have a job, but I felt good. There were promising leads.

Within a few weeks, I decided to try to start dating again. For several months, I dedicated myself to focusing on improving me, and I had done a better job than even I ever believed I could. I'm not saying I was perfect, but I was incredibly excited about the progress and positive changes I made. It was time to meet girls again. And that really picked up in October.

To my everlasting surprise, the dating game has been pretty good to me. I've met some really cool people -- some more interesting than others haha. But it's been a lot of fun. I've never really done this before, and I've always kind of felt like I missed out because of my, you know, serial monogamist tendencies.

Getting back on that horse was something I really wanted to do, but I was actually kind of nervous about it. After all, I didn't have a job, so I had no idea how that whole conversation would go. And even though I almost definitely looked better than I ever had before, I was still anxious because that's just how I roll haha.

All of that has proven to be unfounded though. First of all, mid-way through October, I received a job offer. That was a hell of a week.

I had my final job interview on a Wednesday morning (Oct. 12). That Saturday, Kirk and Liz were getting married in Charlotte. My plan was to drive to Charlotte on Wednesday to get the terrible seven-hour drive out of the way. On Friday morning, I was going to drive to Raleigh because Mike and Laura both had birthdays on the following Monday. We were going to go be ridiculous on Friday. I mean. Sign me up. Obviously. Then I'd wake up early on Saturday morning and head back to Charlotte for the wedding. It was a lot of driving, I'll admit, but it seemed doable. Plus, it was all going to be a lot of fun, so it seemed worth it.

Well.

That plan went to shit almost immediately. It rained most of the day before I left. By the time I was done with my interview around lunch time, it was a very gray day. The dog and I hit the road around 3 p.m., which was going to put us in Charlotte around 10 or 11 p.m., while hopefully missing most of the traffic.

Around 8 p.m., I was on I-85 in Virginia, approximately 20 miles before the North Carolina border. It finally stopped raining, and there were no other cars around, so I put on the cruise control and relaxed.

I saw something in the road up ahead, but it didn't look like anything at first. Then, because I was finally driving at full speed, it came up quick. I swerved, but it was too big to avoid completely.

It was a huge tree branch, and it busted both tires and wheels on the passenger side of my car. Thankfully, I somehow managed to retain control of the vehicle and moved over to the shoulder. I called my parents to tell them what happened. I called AAA to get a tow truck out, and then I was stumped. I did the only thing I knew to do. I called Mike. Long story short, I ended up stranded in Raleigh from Wednesday night until my mom could drive to Raleigh on Saturday morning to get me.

A brief aside about Allie. That dog, man. I've never known a dog more laid-back than her. She will roll with ANYTHING. She was a little concerned at first when we had to pull over, but for the most part, she just hung out in the backseat. Then the tow truck came, and she was totally fine in the backseat of my car on the back of the flatbed. The cab of the truck was too small for the driver, the dog AND me. So she just chilled in the back. I opened the windows for her, and she eventually just went to sleep.

Anyway, Mike was nice enough to let me use his car while I went back and forth to the mechanic. It ended up taking days longer than it should have because they did not put the car on the lift to determine exactly what was wrong before they ordered parts. They ordered one wheel and two tires. When they went to put those on, they found out the rear passenger wheel was also busted. The problem was it was already Friday afternoon, so it was going to be at least Monday before the car was ready. No problem. I'll hang out in Charlotte until it's done. I didn't have anywhere to be.

And then I got the call that changed my life. A job offer!

See what I mean? The final third of the year was extraordinarily kind to me. I'd been waiting for that phone call for months. Somehow, it lived up to every expectation I had. Every hope I'd built up for that moment -- wow. I screamed. I sobbed. I ran around the house and did cartwheels. I love everybody.

Finally, the one thing that still stressed me at all -- it was done. The offer came 14 days before I needed to vacate my apartment. Thankfully, the leasing office hadn't rented out my apartment yet, so I was able to sign a new lease. I wasn't going to be homeless!

I'm getting the chills just thinking about that day again. That was the best.

This job, man. It is excellent. In my life, I've never been this busy. I work more now than I ever have before. And I truly love every second of it. I love my coworkers so much. We work so hard together, and we play just as hard together. Haha gah I am SO happy.

Tough to beat October, right? November was pretty ridiculous though. I went to Raleigh again for the UNC game, and we did what we do, man. Dancing every night. Football all day. We tailgated early on Saturday morning for the game. We grilled pancakes and bacon, and one of Mike's friends made spiced wine on the grill, too.

State beat Carolina for the fifth year in a row, and that made going out Saturday night particularly sweet (even though we couldn't leave until we watched that lame-ass Alabama/LSU game haha). P.S. Mike, you all right, man? I mean, really. You OK? Lulz.

We all crashed at Mike's apartment after a ridiculous night of dancing and 4 a.m. McDonald's. It looked like a refugee camp. Mike and Nick shared his bed. Four people slept on the floor, with bags and clothing strewn about. I was asleep on half of a loveseat. Why half? Because Allie was asleep on the other half. Like you do.

It was so, so awesome haha. It may not sound awesome, but I can't even begin to explain how much fun I'm having right now.

That Sunday was Bark for Life! Allie and I went out and met Adam, Danielle, Danielle's sister and Erik's parents. We raised a solid amount of money to fight cancer, so thank you to everyone who donated for that. Team VIVA LA DUCK ended up raising the third-most money of any team at the event. We'll be back again next year, too.

Just two weeks later, I headed to Boston (Part 1, Part 2). Scorpion bowls -- yikes. I don't need to write about all that again. Check out those stories, though. And then what happened. Whew.

October and November were also filled with flag football and softball! Softball was particularly awesome. Almost all the same people (plus a few new ones) from the CAN spring/summer league joined up to play in the D.C. Fall recreational league. We figured we'd get some experience playing together to prepare us for the next CAN season.

Then we went 9-1, winning the regular season league championship. HEY OH. And we have awesome trophies to prove it. Damn that was fun haha. I finally found a spot on the field I really enjoy playing, too. I was always an outfielder growing up. I used to be pretty good, too. But not throwing a baseball for damn near 10 years got to me, and I don't have the arm strength I did in high school and college.

It's really not THAT bad, but there are some guys on the team with legit cannons for arms, so it felt like poor strategy to continue putting myself out there when there were people who could do it better. Don't get me wrong. No one tracks and catches fly balls better than I can. But there's more to it than that, you know? So I tried out playing first base. Oh man. Love it. A lot. I have some room to improve, but wow I loved playing first base.

I can't wait to get out there and play again. The next CAN season is only a couple of months away. I told Dale I'd be one of the coaches with him, so that's going to be really awesome. Legit pumped doesn't even begin to describe it.

So anyway, the holiday season kicked off with Thanksgiving, and I was just overwhelmed with emotion. I have absolutely no problem admitting how lucky I feel on a daily basis. I work hard for what I have, that's true, but I am also truly, truly blessed. Especially after the first two-thirds of 2011 -- for me to emerge on the other side with my sanity and happiness not only intact, but at all-time highs? Wow. Thank you to everyone who played a part in that.

November and December are always nice because I get to see my family more often than usual. Plus, my sister comes home for Christmas, and I only see her like twice a year MAX now because she lives in south Florida.

Plus, the dating game continued to be pretty good to me in November and December. I'll say this, thank God I lost 40 pounds. That confidence and energy boost has just done wonders for me. Let's GO.

The week between Christmas and New Year's at work was slow, comparatively, haha. It was still as busy as I ever was anywhere else I worked, but compared to how busy we usually are here, it was laid-back and relaxed haha. I really can't say enough about how much fun I have with my coworkers. So great.

New Year's Eve! My plan all along was NOT to do anything. I was exhausted from all the travels of the previous several weeks and from working, and I loved the idea of a quiet night at home to ring in the new year.

Well, Carnell gchatted me around mid-day to let me know he was going to head to Evan's apartment downtown and that I should come. I'm so glad he gave me such advanced notice so I could plan my night haha.

The great thing about New Year's is you start drinking at like 6 or 7 p.m., right? By the time midnight rolls around, every one is already feeling really good, and it's almost time for bed haha. We started the night at Evan's apartment and then moved to Local 16, a bar downtown on U St.

Surrounded by a few of my closest new friends, I said goodbye to one of the most ridiculous, challenging and, in the end, incredible years of my life.

I'm so excited I decided to document the last half of the year here. This blog was so much fun these past few months. I have truly loved sharing my stories with you, and I am so blown away by the response. People actually read my bullshit. And not only that, they're excited to read my bullshit. I actually had a lot of people actively badger me about writing this post because they couldn't wait to read it. Do what now. Thank you so, so much to everyone who stops by to read my words. This blog is nothing without you.

Here's a brief list of my favorite blog posts this year:

Beware: Lots of Words Ahead, June 3 -- This is the post that started it all. I held everything in for too long, and I needed an outlet. I needed some accountability. Boom.

Break-ups, (500) Days of Summer and the Art of Moving On, July 6 -- This one is my favorite post that I've written. It is honest and thoughtful, and it's written just a few weeks after a break-up. Plus, I love that movie, and some of the things I wrote have proven to be stunningly prescient.

The Single Life, Sept. 26 -- I finally realized things were coming together for me. And being single was actually really good for me. Who knew, right?

Another Summer's Gone, Oct. 3 -- I always have connected Fall with love. Always. I really enjoyed writing this one because of the happy memories it brought up. Also, foreshadowing like whoa haha.

Employed, Oct. 17 -- Everything I'd been building toward and anticipating in this space, week to week, culminated in that post. For the WIN.

Hey. Thanks., Dec. 7 -- So many people helped me in so many ways. I had to give some thanks for that.

And that's a wrap on 2011. I left out some things, I know. Some of them I left out because this is not an anonymous blog. If it was, whew haha. Some things, I'm sure I just forgot to include unintentionally. It happens. I hope you enjoyed this as much as I did. It was a lot of fun for me to go back and relive this year.

I am so lucky, you know? So many wonderful things happen to me, and I can't imagine why I deserve it. I am so thankful though. I am overwhelmed with joy at the promise 2012 holds.

I was talking to Mike and Nick on the phone (at separate times haha) a few weeks ago, and I remember saying to them, "You know, the past couple of months has been the first time in my life where I really felt like I truly lived like I was in my 20s."

Does that make sense? I'm finally taking advantage of my relative youth and energy, and it feels so good. I can't imagine that's going to be stopping anytime soon either. Life is so, so good.

Let. Us. Go.

-BG

2011 Part 2: Bouncing Back

Sorry that part 1 was so down and depressing. I can promise you this: the next two parts are much better!

I had a few people tell me, "wow that was a downer." Well, yeah haha. It was. Imagine living it. It's all good NOW, of course. But you know. It happened.

I was down as far as I've ever been down, and I needed a wake-up call. As I said before, when you're stuck in such a downward spiral, such a pattern of negativity -- it was just so hard to see what was happening. I didn't realize what I was doing.

Then, three things happened. One day, some time in mid-April, the ex-girl came to me and said she was unhappy with how things had been going. Between you and me, in hindsight, it's easy to see I had been taking things for granted. Well when she said what she said, I mean. Wow.

Talk about shaking things up, you know? Something I had never even considered doubting was thrust into question and was no longer certain. You could say I was awake.

I immediately looked at myself, and I saw a few things that unquestionably needed to change if I were ever going to be happy again:

• I had to change my eating habits.
• I had to get the fuck UP and out of my apartment.
• I needed to make local friends.
• I needed to start working out for real.

I am extraordinarily proud to say I got my ass the fuck in gear and DID WORK, SON.

I tracked what I ate obsessively. I mean, it had to be an obsession with how bad it was, you know? Every calorie, every gram of fat, every gram of protein, every carbohydrate that entered my body was recorded and tracked to make sure it stayed within an acceptable range.

I began walking Allie two miles twice a day instead of just once. Every two-mile walk burned another 200 calories, so why not do it twice a day? I hit the gym six days a week. I couldn't run just yet because of a hamstring that was still sore from a few months earlier, but I found I could use the stationary bike.

The second thing that happened was Jon's girlfriend contacting me to see if I wanted to fly back to Charlotte for Jon's birthday. Oh absolutely. The three of us went out for a great dinner with his parents, and then we hit a bar where I got more inebriated than I'd been in months. It was the first of many times I'd be able to say that over the coming months, but it had to start somewhere.

It was my first taste of actually going out and having fun in, embarrassingly, too long. But it is what it is. When I got back after that awesome weekend, I felt fundamentally changed inside. I felt a fire inside I hadn't felt in years.

So I kept doin' work. Tracking what I ate, making smarter decisions about what I ate, walking the dog four miles every day and forcing myself into the gym six days a week. The biggest lesson I learned was NOT to deprive myself of all the foods I loved the most. Some things had to go, of course. But Chipotle, Jersey Mike's -- things like that stayed as long as I made the necessary adjustments elsewhere in the day.

Progress was extraordinarily slow at first. It took nearly five weeks of kicking my own ass every day before I saw the first glimmer of success. By the end of the May, I'd lost 10 pounds. I knew then I could never go back. I was completely consumed with just doing better for myself.

The third thing that happened was maybe the best decision I've made in a long, long time. I joined the N.C. State softball team in CAN. I've written over and over about how awesome my experience was with the team, and how much I absolutely LOVED playing softball. Throughout May and June, I played softball downtown and hung out with the team for hours and hours afterward. It was exactly what I needed.

By the time the end of May/beginning of June rolled around, the ex-girl and I officially ended things.

But I had my obsession to keep me busy. I'd worked running on the treadmill back into the picture, and the weight kept falling off. By mid-June, I'd lost more than 20 pounds.

Remember in part 1 how I said I needed to get away? Well, in early June I did. My cousin Jeb had been trying to get me to go to Savannah with him and a few others for a while, but I just figured I wouldn't be able to because of dog logistics and money logistics, etc.

Once the break-up happened, I needed some debauchery, understandably I would think. I'm not going to go into everything that happened again, but feel free to check out my three-part Savannah story (Part 1, Part 2, Part 3). It was the best weekend I'd had in a long time at that point.

Aside from a cracked rib at the CAN softball tournament in August, the summer was so awesome. I ran. I worked out. I lost weight and got in SUCH better shape. I played softball, drank way too much several times a week with my friends downtown. I was happier than I'd been in as long as I can remember.

The cracked rib sidelined me for a few weeks, but around the time Hurricane Irene rolled through D.C. in late August, I decided it was time to run outside for the first time since I pulled my hamstring the previous summer. I stuck to the treadmill because it's easier on the legs -- less wear and tear and such. But I'd registered for a 5K at the beginning of September, so I figured I should at least run outside for a few weeks beforehand.

And what happened was I rediscovered how much I loved running. Like whoa. I tolerated it on the treadmill because I wanted to get in shape, but when I started running outside, it was a ridiculous adrenaline rush. SO great.

I began to see the 5K as a milestone for me in terms of where I was in my weight-loss and how I was improving my overall fitness. The beginning of September marked around five months since I started trying to change my life and where I'd been going. It also marked the beginning of the most ridiculous four months of my life.

I mean, my life got ridiculous in so many awesome ways I can't even begin to explain. Sometimes, I really do wish I had an anonymous blog so I could share all the stories without anyone finding out it was me.

But more on that in part 3.

2011 Part 1: The Descent

What a year.

I mean, shit. I remember New Year's Eve 2010 very vividly. The dog and I were at the ex-girl's house with a couple of friends. It was a really, really great night. Here we are, a year later. Almost nothing is as it was that night.

And almost everything was entirely unexpected and unforeseen. HOWEVAH. Almost all of it has been ridonk awesome and for the better. Almost haha.

I've actually been looking forward to writing this year-in-review for a while. If nothing else, this year has given me a LOT of time for reflection. I've thought a lot about this year and what it's meant for me on a lot of levels.

Geez, where to begin?

Overall, I honestly and genuinely believe 2011 turned out to be pretty excellent. And when you consider the extraordinarily inauspicious start, I think that says a hell of a lot about the final third of the year. So as you're reading this first part, keep in mind how, well, awesome I am now haha. It's incredible this is where I started. Parts 2 and 3 will be much more fun and happy, but in order to understand how excellent that was, I have to look at this part, too.

I was so excited about 2011 back in December of last year. There was so much promise, so much to be excited about, really.

A lot of things really seemed to be lining up well and falling into place. The ex-girl and I were thinking about renting a townhouse together. I had a job downtown I enjoyed. In hindsight, though, it's incredibly obvious to me now. I was very unhappy; I just didn't know it at the time.

Then a few things happened that really shook me.

First, the ex-girl and I found a townhouse to rent. Signed the lease and everything. Exciting, right? The next day, my job situation suddenly changed. Obviously, the townhouse couldn't happen anymore. I was devastated. For a lot of reasons.

Honestly, unemployment is pretty embarrassing. It just is. It shouldn't be. It happens. But you know. There you go. And in an effort to put on a strong face and try to force the idea that everything was fine, I internalized a lot of the stress and depression I was feeling at the time.

Well, that's not very productive, now is it? It's not. So what happened? I trapped myself in a downward spiral. Some other things were going on at the time that I clearly did not realize either, and naturally, that did not help matters. Allow me to explain.

I've never been a big guy. I was always very small growing up. At some point over the past two years -- after my half-marathon -- I don't really know what happened. I was complacent, I guess. I stopped taking care of myself the way I should have been. Last Halloween, I went to a party with the ex-girl. At this party, one of my old roommates took a picture of us. We were having a good time, so sure let's take a photo.

Then I saw the photo a few weeks later. Whoa. Who's the fat dude with my girlfriend? Oh shit. That's me.

Then I went home for Christmas. As we do every year, we took photos of Christmas morning. Then I saw the photos. Once again, whoa. When did I get so huge? No, I wasn't morbidly obese or anything. Of course not. But I'm only, like, 5'10". I was nearly 230 pounds. That's not a good look, my friends.

So add those feelings to the increasing feelings of stress, worry, depression, shame and embarrassment, which I was, unwisely, holding inside. Exactly. Nothing good was going to come from that.

I was trying so hard to "be strong" or whatever. It was a poor decision. All I ended up doing was shutting out the people who cared about me. I lost interest in doing anything. I watched a lot of TV. I applied to jobs. And not much else.

I can't even emphasize this enough: that is SO not me, you know? It's incredible to look back on that time now with the benefit of hindsight. Holy hell was I unhappy. How could I let it get so bad and so bleak?

Well, for me, the answer is when you're stuck in a pattern of negative behavior and feelings, it's not always easy to see it. I found a boring routine that suited me, and I stuck to it because it was comfortable. I had blinders on, and I didn't see what was going on around me. Not good times.

It's so strange to think back to a year ago. I seriously cannot even imagine feeling that way now. What in the world. It's just the opposite of everything I know to be, you know, me.

January through, I'd say, mid-April was so incredibly trying. I had a few job interviews. I was a finalist for a position and narrowly missed out. It was a heart-breaking experience -- to get so close to a new job on practically my first try only to be sent back to the beginning. That was in March. Whew. Tough day. It did not help my mindset at all.

I spent my days lying on the couch. I watched the entire series of Mad Men and Breaking Bad. And I didn't do much else. I woke up, fed the dog, went back to sleep, woke up again, applied to a few jobs and hit the couch for the remainder of the day. It was a terrible way to live, and it was a completely unsustainable situation for long-term health and happiness.

Something needed to change. Well, a lot of things needed to change. The only problem was I was stuck in my own head -- so deep into the world of semi-depression I'd created for myself. Not only that, but I did not really tell anyone else I was feeling that way, so I had no idea how those feelings were affecting the people around me, who loved me and who I loved.

I needed a wake-up call. Badly. And I needed to get away.

Happy Holidays!

How can you not love Christmas?

It's just so much fun. Everything about it makes me so happy. The way the room looks with the Christmas tree light on. The way the air feels and smells. It's just different at Christmas time, you know?

Having the whole family back together is so great. And it happens less and less now. Obviously, I see my brother a fair amount because we both live in the DC area. And because we're both in the same area, my parents make it up our way a good bit since it's a reasonable drive. My sister, however, lives in south Florida for grad school. I am honestly having a hard time remembering the last time I saw her. It really might have been last Christmas. Well, she and her dog will be here tomorrow at the latest.

Every family has their own traditions and Christmas memories, and, obviously, I'm no different. I'm pretty sure I remember talking about this one, specifically, at some point over the past couple of weeks with someone. I think it's kind of funny.

I'm not sure when it started, but I remember it in the early- and mid-90s, after we moved to North Carolina. For reasons I'm not sure I'll ever understand, Kathy Lee Gifford recorded an album of Christmas music. Because of course she did. Well, my mom had the CD and loved it.

Whenever she made her Christmas cookies (for the WIN, by the way), she'd listen to the Kathy Lee Gifford CD. So many of my teenage Christmas memories take place with Kathy Lee Gifford singing "Gloooooooooooooooooria in excelsis Deo" in the background. Like you do.

But man those cookies are my JAM. I've already eaten way too many of the homemade chocolate chip cookies since I got home.

So! Since my dad's Jewish, we also celebrated Hanukkah. By celebrate, I clearly mean we just light our menorah. And since the exact dates of Hanukkah vary year to year, there were definitely years (like this year, P.S.) where we turn on our Christmas lights and then immediately light the menorah.

In fact, from my position on one of the more comfortable recliners on which I've ever sat, I can see a menorah ornament on our Christmas tree, which is also topped with a Star of David. Again, like you do.

Funny story. A few years ago, I wanted to buy my own menorah for my apartment. I was living in Raleigh at the time, and I know the south is not always known for its religious diversity. But I still felt reasonably comfortable that I would find a menorah someplace. I don't normally go to Wal-Mart. I generally find it to be a wasteland of humanity. This time, I figured its mass appeal would mean it would surely have a menorah and/or other Hanukkah things.

I walked out to the big holiday section they had outside. I didn't immediately find anything, so I asked the clerk.

"Excuse me, do you have any menorahs anywhere?"
"What's a menorah?"
...
"You know. It's what holds the candles you light during Hanukkah."
"Hanukkah?"
Well then. "Yes. Hanukkah. It's like Jewish Christmas."
"Ohhh. No we don't have any of that. You can check the candle section though."

Clearly, he missed the point. I humored him and went to the candle section. Predictably, I had no luck.

There was a Big Lots in the same parking lot as the Wal-Mart, so I walked over to that store to try my luck again. There was no sign of any Hanukkah things in the holiday sections, so I asked again.

"Hi. Yeah I'm looking for a menorah."
"You're looking for what?"
"A menorah. The thing that holds the candles for Hanukkah. Nine candles."
"Oh a candle holder. Those are over here. See? This one holds nine candles."
"Noooo that's not exactly what I meant. I don't need just ANY candle holder that holds nine candles. A menorah is a very specific item."

I went to Harris Teeter because I know they have a a reasonable selection of kosher foods and other Jewish items. When the clerk pointed me to the candle section, I just walked out. I did eventually find one at Bed Bath and Beyond, so it was, eventually, a successful effort. So yeah. That happened.

Anyway. Back to Christmas! My favorite Christmas tradition, by far, is our yearly Christmas Eve viewing of "The Muppet Christmas Carol."

We moved to North Carolina in October of 1993. So the Christmas of 1993 was going to be our first without all of our extended family involved. I was 11 years old, and we'd just gotten the movie. Christmas Eve rolled around, and I figured, hey why not. Who doesn't love the Muppets, right? Let's see what the movie is about.

Well. It was awesome. It's still awesome, of course. And this will be the 19th year we've watched this movie on Christmas Eve. I can't wait.

Every December for the past few years, once it gets to be two weeks or so before Christmas, I'll post the first line of the lyrics from the opening song on Facebook. My brother and sister will inevitably reply with the next lines.

And now, through the miracle of social media, some of my friends have discovered our mutual love for the movie, and they will join in as well. So good.

So yeah, I really can't wait to watch this movie. And I know. I'm 29 years old, but I don't care. I've come home and spent Christmas with my family every year so far, and I really don't anticipate that changing anytime soon. I love being home for Christmas.

To everyone who stops by this page to read when I write, thank you from the bottom of my heart. I hope all of you get to be where you want to be this Christmas. And a very, very happy holidays to you and your loved ones.

"It's in the singing of a street corner choir,
it's going home and getting warm by the fire.
It's true wherever you find love,
it feels like Chriiiistmaaas!"

Back next week with my week-long year-in-review. I really can't wait to write those posts. Anyway. Later, kids!

-BG

Hey. Thanks.

Yeah. I know I'm a couple weeks late on this, but Thanksgiving happened while I was on my blog vacation. Naturally, I have some thoughts.

It's no secret 2011 hasn't been my best year -- although it did rally something serious starting at the end of October. Well, when you go through rough times, you learn a lot about yourself and your friends and the people who care about you.

I've definitely got that. I learned more this year than I ever have before -- about humility, about perseverance, about trusting my instincts, about not being afraid of accepting help, about the importance of a positive attitude, and so on and so on.

Finally, I feel like I've made it through the storm. I feel so good, and there are innumerable things for which I'm incredibly thankful. Since I didn't write anything on Thanksgiving, I figured why not now?

Fair warning, though. It's about to get real up in this piece. So in the spirit of Thanksgiving (two weeks ago), I couldn't have made it through this year without the following things (some very obvious, some maybe not so much), albeit it an incomplete list:

My Family -- My dad slipped me a $20 bill every time he saw me. My mom sent me home with food every time I saw her. My grandfather was so upset when he heard about my job back in January, he sent me a card with a check for $50 in it. Seriously. That happened. Is it getting dusty in here? I mean. There aren't enough words.

My Friends -- You guys. For reals. You're all ridiculous, and I don't know what I would have done without our weekly (or more often) debaucheries this summer and fall. You were there with a kind and encouraging word when I needed it and with a disparaging word when it was necessary haha. And you continue to be awesome.

Fridays at the Bottom Line -- The best happy hour in DC. It's tough to beat the $1 beer specials. We can go in there and all get drinks for like $25 total, which would cover like three drinks anywhere else in the District. Many a ridiculous night has originated at the Bottom Line, and I hope for more to come VERY shortly. Like this week, I hope.

Running -- Reluctantly crouched at the starting line. Engines pumping and thumping in time. The green light flashes. The flags go up. Churning and burning, they yearn for the cup. You're fired up right now, aren't you? The first few lines to "The Distance," by Cake. It's the first song on my running playlist every time I run. Since April, when I started watching what I eat and exercising intensely, there have been times where I was simply overwhelmed. And nothing cleared my head, got the blood pumping or burned the energy better than a solid four-mile run. Whenever I go a few days or weeks without running, that first run back is a rush of excitement, and I always remember how much I love it now. It's so funny because I hated running until I forced myself into a half-marathon two years ago. Since then, I've run two 5Ks, and I registered for a second half-marathon here in DC in March. CAN'T WAIT.

Losing Weight/Being Healthier -- You may have heard, but I've lost more than 40 pounds since April. You know what never gets old? I wore pants yesterday I couldn't even pull up to my waist just a few months ago. Never mind buttoning them, I couldn't even get them up to my waist. And I wore them comfortably yesterday. Incredible. I was wearing XL shirts just eight months ago. Now, I wear mostly mediums. I have a size medium coat. What in the world. This time last year? I was almost 230 pounds. I weighed in Monday night after my run at 186, which is even more of an accomplishment given how I spent the months of October and November up and down the East coast. More on that next week.

Dancing -- Dude. I never knew how much I loved it until this past summer. But, man, what an unbelievably freeing and exhilarating time. Play a little Jackson 5 ("I Want You Back," especially) or, really, any 60s music, I'm totally in. Oh who are we kidding...I'm good with anything. Lulz.

My Job -- First and foremost, I straight-up love my co-workers. You guys are brilliant and hilarious, and I could not be more excited about this opportunity. It challenges me in new and exciting ways every day, and I'm learning something new seemingly by the minute. What more can you ask for?

My Best Friends -- Jon, you are like a brother to me. We've been friends for, what, 17, almost 18 years now? Incredible. You have a way of cutting right to the point in exactly the way I need to hear it exactly WHEN I need to hear it. I often, unwisely, do not heed your advice (just as we both know I probably won't this time...LULZ), but, rest assured, I know I probably should haha. And it is always most appreciated. Sometimes I just need to go down magnificently in flames, consequences be damned, you know? C'est la vie. And Mike. There may be no stranger "bromance." Despite the fact that we have only hung out in person maybe four times total, I don't think it's an exaggeration to say I have talked to you more than anyone else this year. Disturbingly parallel. Whatever happens with one of us, I can know without question the other has either already done it or will be doing it shortly. Lulz, indeed.

Last and, most certainly, not least, the past five weeks -- I mean. What can I say? Simply amazing. Thanks, "Lola." Always.

-BG

I Love Everybody

Yes, I still do love everybody. What a week. My God, what a week.

It started on Monday with my job offer. Then, for the next three days, I marinated in the glow of a pure happiness and joy I hadn't known in quite some time.

It's funny. I built up the moment of receiving the job offer for so long, I began to wonder if it could ever possibly live up to what I envisioned when it actually came. I came so close to an offer three other times before this one. I had my celebration queued up and ready to go. I was ready to explode. And then, all three times I was denied.

The build-up and anticipation for this was seriously unbelievable.

And then the offer finally came. And it was everything I thought it would be and more. Just ask Allie, who witnessed me running through the house like a maniac, screaming like a banshee and attempting to make snow angels on the carpet after reenacting the scene from Jerry Maguire I linked to on Wednesday.

That celebration will really continue Friday night, when I go meet some friends downtown. It's someone's birthday, but I don't know her at all haha. Katie invited me and a few others we know just because we're fun, and we're always down for pretty much anything.

Anyway, we're starting at a place called Stoney's. It's on P Street near Whole Foods. I've been over to that area before, but I've never been to Stoney's. I'm sure it'll be fine. I already told Katie this, though. If the night doesn't end at Rumors for some dancing, I'm going to be VERY disappointed. This is as happy and energetic as I've ever felt. And that, my friends, is saying something.

Dammit I can't wait!

So! The first day at work is in the books. I'm pretty sure they'll invite me back for a second and third, so that's a great success.

The verdict after day one? Wow. 100 percent worth the wait. All the talk about "the right situation will come along" sounds like a cop-out to make you feel better when you miss out on something else. But after learning about this place and what I'll be doing, it sounds pretty accurate so far. The people are so friendly, and they seem so good at what they do. The work will be interesting and challenging, and there will be a ton of opportunities to do a lot of fun things. I'm so excited.

And the commute, driving in rush hour on the beltway? It took 30 minutes less, cumulatively, than it took me to ride the metro to work downtown. Incredible. I'm sure there will be days when it's beyond awful, and it takes much longer. But day one was a pleasant surprise.

For the first time in a long time, I am 100 percent at peace, happy and content. Physically, emotionally, mentally, financially -- I'm finally good in all phases of the game. I'm eating better than I ever have. I'm in better shape than I've ever been. I don't need to list all these things again. I feel like a broken record sometimes haha. I'm just so fired up and happy I don't know how to process it sometimes. Not a bad problem to have, if I do say so myself.

The weekend will be predictably awesome, too. Flag football games on both Saturday and Sunday mornings. N.C. State vs. Virginia on Saturday, McFadden's for the Panthers game on Sunday. Dammit I love everyone and everything right now.

Life is as good as it's ever been, and the outlook is only for it to get better. I am so, so lucky.

LET'S GO!

-BG

What's Next

Oh boy.

Seriously. I am the exact opposite of Peter from Office Space right now. Every day of my life is better than the day that came before it. Every day you see me or talk to me is the best day of my life. Life is so, so very good!

I have been giggling like a school girl for almost three solid days now. I love everybody! This is pretty much an exact replication of how I reacted on Monday after hanging up the phone upon receiving my offer:

Not Gonna Cry
Jerry Maguire at MOVIECLIPS.com

YEEEAAAH BUDDY.

What's Next?

Well, tomorrow is my first day of work. God I really can't wait. CAN'T WAIT. I am going to dominate so hard.

I immediately canceled my move-out notice, and I will sign a new lease tomorrow. I know I may need to move at some point, but honestly, I can't emphasize enough how much I don't want to worry about that right now. Baby steps. One thing at a time. I like this apartment a lot, and the commute isn't going to be that much longer than when I rode the Metro. At worst, if the commute sucks, I'll deal with it for a while, and then look at some other living arrangements then.

I can finally book my flight for Boston next month now that I know from what city I'll be flying. A bunch of us have tickets to the State/BC game -- a true battle of who could care less, to quote Ben Folds. But nonetheless, it'll be an awesome trip with both DC and Raleigh friends heading up there. Plus, I have a cousin who lives nearby! Gotta go get down in Beantown.

While I plan on waiting and getting settled at the job before I do anything, I will absolutely begin my search for a band to join with MUCH excitement. I'd like to see how the first few weeks at work go, but I will be crafting my Craigslist ad before too long! Hell, I may just post the blog post I wrote about it over the summer.

The biggest challenge will be holding onto my fitness and eating habits while working all day every day now. I'll just have to wake up early enough to walk Allie and run or hit the gym before I leave. I just so much prefer to work out in the morning than in the afternoon. I love the feeling of an awesome workout, but I like to get it out of the way and feel the energy rush throughout the day. Like today, I ran four miles this morning, and I've felt awesome all day. Although there are certainly extenuating circumstances for that as well! LET'S GO.

I'm going to have to work hard to maintain my food discipline, too. I'll need to bring my lunch a minimum of three days a week. Since hitting 185, I've lost hardly any weight at all. Some of that is due to fun trips to Raleigh and Charlotte, to be sure. But I've also noticed my pants getting looser and looser in the interim. So it's not all that I'm not losing weight. I could just be toning and tightening up. I mean, geez. My new 34"-waist jeans that I was so excited about just a month ago were LOOSE on me last week, despite holding steady at around 185. What in the world!

I'll need to get my old dog walker back on retainer, too. There are going to be nights where I don't get back until later than Allie is used to. But she really seems to like the woman who's walked her in the past, and she's not too unreasonably priced, so it seems worth it. She'll come walk Allie for 30 minutes or so and feed her for me. Not bad at all.

So the blog. Obviously, I won't be able to devote time during the day to writing anymore. Honestly, I cannot believe I've managed to keep up with posting three times a week since early June with very, very few exceptions. I have no intention of stopping now either. I've gotten into a rhythm, and I really enjoy writing for whomever decides to stop by and read. What I plan to do now is write my posts the night before and just post the link during the day. I'm sure the new blog routine will take some getting used to, but it'll work out just fine.

Weekend Roundup

You may have read about my less-than-awesome drive last week. Turns out I completely busted BOTH wheels on the passenger side of the car. The car place ordered one wheel because they didn't know both were wrecked. The back wheel was wrecked on the inside, which they didn't know until they took the wheel off. To which I'm compelled to ask, "Why didn't you do that before ordering parts?" But I digress.

They called me on Friday to say it would be done by closing. Then they called 20 minutes later to tell me about the second wheel. The second wheel was supposed to arrive on Monday. It did not. The guy at wherever they were getting it from somehow failed at putting the wheel on the UPS truck, and it didn't arrive until Tuesday afternoon.

Anyway, the rest isn't that important. Both wheels eventually arrived. Both tires eventually arrived. And everything was put on the car. A good time was had by all.

I finally got home last night around midnight. What a week.

Oh and Kirk and Liz's wedding!

Wow what an awesome wedding. Incredibly beautiful and unique location. Excellent food and dancing at the reception. Old friends I hadn't seen in forever. The unbelievable experience of seeing my old friend Paul dance. I've never seen someone control a dance floor like he did Saturday night. It was really something to see.

I've got nothing else. I'm so incredibly giddy right now. Tomorrow's drive in the morning rush will be the best drive in the history of mankind. I can't wait!

Next time we speak, I will no longer be unemployed. GREAT SUCCESS.

LET'S GO!

-BG

EMPLOYED.

Our long national nightmare is over!

I've been waiting to write this post for a long time. I've been waiting for this celebration for a long time. I mean, a loooong time.

This morning, I received a job offer from a PR firm in the area, and I will be starting my new job on Thursday! LET'S GO!

To put this situation in perspective, the lease at my apartment runs out at the end of October. For those of you for whom math is not your specialty, that means I was going to have to vacate my apartment in 14 days.

Needless to say, I canceled that move-out request. I may need to move at some point, but I don't even want to think about that right now. I'll see how this goes for a little while, and if it doesn't work, I'll reassess later.

I may or may not have (but definitely DID) reenact Andy's rain scene from Shawshank in the shower this morning. I am overwhelmed with so many feelings right now. Relief, joy, excitement, anxiousness. I don't even know how to process everything I'm feeling. So great.

I love everybody right now!

It's been a hell of a time the past nine months. The late winter and early spring was a really, really rough time for me because of the unemployment thing. It led to me becoming a little too depressed for my own good. I gained way too much weight. I stopped caring about a lot of things. I directly blame that for ruining some things I would have preferred not being ruined. Don't get me wrong; I know it's on me. I let a bad situation get to me, and it threw a wrench into quite a few things, which is really a shame given how awesome I've been since.

But!!

I am so thoroughly thrilled to say I don't have an OUNCE of negativity in me anymore. I am 100 percent optimism and energy. As I've happily documented on this blog, since mid-April, I've been a completely different person. Just take a stroll through the archives to see the transformation.

Since then, my life has been so completely amazing. I've met some incredibly awesome people, who I'm ridiculously pumped to call my friends. I've started playing softball and flag football. I'm going out with my friends like twice a week. I've been to Raleigh and Charlotte a few times and to Savannah. And I'm going to Boston next month. And, oh yeah, I've lost more than 40 pounds and counting.

So much good has been going on, and I've been so completely happy. Only one thing has prevented me from calling this the best time of my life: I didn't have a full-time job.

Literally everything else about my life was better than it had ever been before -- except the job situation.

Now, that is no longer the case. I am so excited about this job. It's a perfect opportunity for me to get in there and prove myself again. I cannot emphasize enough how ready I am to run through walls to get things done. I am so fired up.

It has been such a roller coaster this year. Including phone interviews, I've had more than 20 or 25 interviews. I've been a finalist four times. I've gotten so close so many times. It's heart-wrenching to get that close only to be denied and sent back to the beginning of the process.

But that is all in the past now. And God DAMN that feels good.

I cannot wait to go out downtown this weekend to celebrate. I've been holding this one in for months now. I am absolutely going to humpty dance all over downtown DC, so get ready.

Life is so, so, so good. And it's only going to get better. The one thing holding me back from being in the best shape of my life physically, mentally and emotionally is no longer an issue. My God I am going to tear shit UP now. Watch out for BG, my friends. Nothing can hold me back now.

Seriously, thank you to EVERYONE who has helped me through this. My family, friends and friends' families -- I couldn't have made it through one of the most trying times of my life without you. You were there to distract me, to offer an encouraging word (or a disparaging word, depending on the circumstance...lulz) and to listen to me vent more often than I can even count. Thank you from the bottom of my heart. And if you are in the area this weekend, you BEST come out to celebrate this with me. It will be soooo incredibly worth it.

Let's go, friends. LET US GO.

-BG

Doin' the Bull Dance; Feelin' the Flow

First of all, let me tell you something about the traffic here.

Holy. Hell.

So last night, I met a girl in Alexandria for some drinks. Alexandria isn't exactly close to where I live, but then again, almost nothing is except for Jersey Mike's. Not the point.

Anyway, it's only 30 miles. We were meeting at 7, so I knew I'd be driving in some rush hour traffic, and I'm just so terrified of being late, I decided to leave at 5 p.m.

I figured, worst-case scenario I'll get there 30 minutes, maybe an hour early, and I'll just make friends at the bar, watch TV and wait for her to get there.

Well. Not so, my friends.

It took every minute of two hours to get there. I walked in the door at 7:05. It took me a solid hour to get to the GW Parkway, which is only 14 miles from my apartment.

Due to an accident on the GW Parkway, it took ANOTHER hour to go the remaining 15 miles. Incredible! I expect some traffic when I get on the beltway around that time. I'm fine with it. This was something else though. Two hours!

It's OK. Not even the traffic could get me down after yesterday afternoon. I had a job interview, and I believe it went very well. Shortly after I left, I was invited back for the next round and writing test. That's all I'll say here, but feel free to message me and we can discuss further!

To say the least, I was feeling GOOD. As I posted online, "Doin' the bull dance; feelin' the flow. Workin' it." I had my iPod blaring and my windows down in the car in an effort to attract as many strange looks as I could. It was as pleasant a two-hour traffic jam as it could be haha.

So that was yesterday.

As has become par for the course lately, there is an extremely exciting weekend planned so far. I'm about to get ready to go downtown. It is seriously amazing outside right now, and we decided we need to be drinking beer outside someplace. HOW CAN I ARGUE WITH THAT?! So we'll make a pit stop in the dungeon known as the Bottom Line because we LOVE that place and it's also hard to argue with their Friday $1 beer happy hour. But we'll definitely move on to a place with an outdoor set-up after that.

In an effort to stave off cravings for drunk McDonald's at 3 a.m., I'm going to walk over to Jersey Mike's before I go out so I can leave a sub in the fridge to satisfy my need for food late tonight! Great success!

And tomorrow morning is flag football! We're playing Boston at 11 a.m., and the weather looks to be perfect again. I'm excited to see what our team can do. I was really impressed at the first game I went to two weeks ago when we played one of the best teams in the league.

Following that is an all-day party for a friend of a few people I've met through the NCSU sports I've been playing. He's moving away. I don't know him at all, but Katie invited me, and who I am to turn down an all-day party, involving several different bars, football, hockey and dancing? Exactly.

Sunday is McFadden's again for the Panthers game!

One of those days I'm going to have to throw in a six-mile run. I ran five miles on Tuesday, but I've held off on the second run this week because of a little soreness in my hamstring. It's pretty much fine now, but I didn't want to push it. So I figured I'd give it a few days to rest and then go again on the weekend.

I'm going to need it, too. HUGE week doesn't even come close to describing next week. My God.

A softball doubleheader on Tuesday night, giving us another chance to sweep two games and move to 5-1 on the season. I feel so good about our team, man. I really do. We're really starting to come together. Then, another interview bright and early Wednesday morning with the place from yesterday. Seriously, it sounds like a ridiculous opportunity to do a lot of different things I've wanted to do but haven't had the chance, things I'm good at and everything in between.

Then I'm heading to Charlotte. Then back to Raleigh on Friday to go out for Mike's birthday. We will control the dance floor all night. No doubt. Then back to Charlotte on Saturday morning for Kirk and Liz's wedding that night. It's going to be so, so awesome.

I just feel so damn good. Like, seriously, the Yankees were eliminated last night, and I don't even mind all that much.

It's so hard to feel anything but unbridled joy these days. It really is. Life is good, friends.

Let's go. Let's go, indeed.

-BG

Hooray Weather!

Finally!

Awesome weather has returned to the DC area! For the better part of the past two weeks, at least, it's been awful. Cold. Rainy. Cloudy. Dreary. Blegh.

But yesterday was different. Sunny! High temperature in the 60s!

This week, I decided to bump up my mileage for running. For the past month or so, I'd been running four miles on Tuesday and Thursday, and then running five miles on the weekend (whichever day I didn't have to wake up early for whatever sport was happening).

I figured it was time to up the difficulty and run five miles on Tuesday and Thursday and six miles on the weekend. So yesterday was the first weekday I was going to run five miles. When I woke up to walk Allie and felt and saw how excellent the weather was outside, I was immediately pumped. Already, "The Distance" was humming in my head, and I just couldn't wait.

And oh man. It was a fantastic run. I ran every bit of the five miles and finished in just more than 46 minutes. While nine-minute miles may not seem impressive, it's important to note I had to really bust my ass to finish ONE mile in nine minutes last year. Now, I'm running all five miles in right around nine minutes each. Miles 1 and 2 were in the 8:30-8:40 range because I was pacing myself to try to run the entire time. Mile 3, as I've mentioned, is a lot of uphill, so I'm slower there. But still. Clear improvement.

It's also important to note if I can finish my next half-marathon with nine-minute miles, I'll finish in under two hours, which would be a 20-minute improvement over my first race. Needless to say, I'm really excited with my progress so far.

And, again, finally it did NOT rain on a Tuesday. Seems like that's the first time in a month. We've only been able to play one softball game, despite the season being a month old already. Before last night, we were 1-1 on the season. We lost our first game -- a game we should have won, but we had a bunch of errors in one inning that allowed a bunch of runs to score. And we picked up a forfeit victory last week.

We had two games last night against the same team. Allegedly, according to Andrew, this team was previously undefeated. Well, we beat them twice, 8-7 and 9-8. Let's GO.

I am compelled to mention our team almost entirely the same team that went 2-13 in the CAN softball league over the summer. Well, we won as many games last night as we did in that entire season. But not without making it interesting.

The first game was tight throughout. We were winning 6-5 going into the bottom of the final inning. We were the home team for the first game and the visiting team for the second. All we had to do was hold them to win. Of course, they scored a run to tie the game.

In the bottom of the final inning, we loaded the bases with two outs, but a harmless pop up ended the inning. The top of the first extra inning, their first hitter hit a ball so far we didn't even bother chasing it. Home run. They were up 7-6. We managed to hold them there, though.

Then we finally came through and scored two runs in the bottom of the inning to win. Dale scored the winning run on a throwing error, which is something we're usually accustomed to happening to us. So it was nice to be on the winning end for once.

We led the second game by a decent margin for most of the game. We played solid defense throughout, and scored runs in almost every inning. One of the better games we've played in either league. Up until the last inning.

We were up 9-5 going into the other team's last at-bat. We changed pitchers for the last inning because he wanted a save haha. He then loaded the bases with no outs to bring the tying run to the plate. In his defense, he yanked himself from the game right then haha. He knew what was at stake.

Evan got a quick out, but we were still facing a bases-loaded situation with one out. A couple of hits and errors later, and it was a 9-8 game. They had players on first and second base with one out.

Their next hitter smacked a liner right at Brent at shortstop. He grabbed it and saw the runner at second off the bag. His throw was a little low, but Jen broke out a Mark Teixeira-like scoop at second, beating the runner back to the base and securing the win. What a finish.

We're 3-1! I can't imagine any teams being all that much better than the team we played last night. Also, the improvement we've shown since the CAN league is incredible! I knew it would happen, and I totally called it this summer. We have so many people who are such solid players; we just needed to play together more often.

I didn't have a great night offensively. A couple of hits, a run scored. Nothing noteworthy. But I played first base for the entire first game and 2/3 of the second game. Wow, I loved it. Like, a lot.

I loved joking with the opposing players when they reached first. I loved being involved in some way in almost every play. I was able to field a couple of grounders cleanly and make some solid plays with the pitcher covering first. I missed a couple of scoop opportunities, but I blocked a couple of others from getting through.

Although, I did come away with a nice bruise on my left index finger. Our infielders really have to throw it hard to first to beat the runners, and one time I felt a throw from Sean hit my finger inside the glove a little more directly than I would have liked haha. Aaand bruise.

Anyway, I'm totally going to campaign to play first base in every game I can. Loved it. Let's go Pack! Keep it rolling now!

So yeah. Thank God the weather has turned for the better this week. It's supposed to be LEGIT awesome throughout the weekend, too. It's going to be a HUGE next few days, tomorrow especially. Feel free to IM me and discuss it if you'd like. Suffice it to say, I'm pumped.

And then Friday, there are preliminary plans to hit one or more of our favorite bars downtown. Great success.

Saturday, flag football in the morning, and a ridiculous day planned because a friend of Katie's is moving away. Katie promised me the day, which includes stops at several bars, WILL end in dancing. GREATER success!

And next week? Whooooaaa boy. Raleigh on Friday night to go out for Mike's birthday. It's also Laura's birthday so she should definitely make it out, too. And then Charlotte for Kirk/Liz's wedding on Saturday? Wow. WOW. That's a lot of dancing potential. GREATEST success!

CAN'T WAIT.

-BG

The List

I'm overwhelmed with the desire and the compulsion to get out and do things. I have a tremendous amount of energy, and I find I must be out doing things most of the time now. I actually get antsy now if I stay put for too long.

A while back, I asked on Twitter and Facebook for blog ideas, and Erik's dad suggested writing about things I've always wanted to do but haven't yet for whatever reason. So, credit for this idea goes to Mr. H. I've adapted it a little bit. The job situation threw off a lot of things I wanted to do and ruined a lot of plans I had. But it's time to stop using that as an excuse. I'm perfectly capable of doing whatever the hell I want to do anyway.

The focus of this list isn't so much things I've always wanted to do but haven't yet, it's things I absolutely intend to do going forward over the next six-to-12 months or so. These may be things I've done before but not in a while or things I haven't had the chance to do yet.

In either case, here's a list of 10 things I will accomplish in the coming year. Not all of them may be spectacularly interesting to you, but they're things I want to do. Make your own damn list if you have a problem with mine!

In no particular order:

1. Half-Marathon

I will run another half-marathon. The Bermuda half-marathon I found is likely a pipe-dream. It would just be really expensive to get myself there, no matter how worth it the race might be.

But there are others! Mike and I are currently discussing a DC race in March -- the Rock 'n Roll Marathon/Half-Marathon on March 17. It starts and finishes at RFK Stadium, and the course is throughout downtown DC. Basically, it's awesome.

The race is a Saturday, so we could kill the race, and then wear our medals out when we go out Saturday night. Now to work on Nick so he'll run the half with me. Mike will run the full. No thank you, sir. I did my first half alone, so it would be fine either way. But we'd need Nick to go out Saturday night -- no question.

Training would start by the end of December. I love the idea of a March half-marathon. I don't love the idea of training throughout the winter, but c'est la vie. It will help keep my ass from refatting up, for sure.

Also, not only will I run another half-marathon, I will beat the time (2:19:51) from my first half-marathon.

2. Warrior Dash

I will complete a Warrior Dash. As I mentioned in a post earlier this month, I have my sights set on a race in south Florida at the beginning of December. One of my sister's best friends wants to run in it, and I'd love to do it as well.

It's essentially a 5k for the mentally unstable, and it includes rope climbs, mud-pit crawls, leaping over flaming logs, etc. You know, the usual. So, so great. I really can't wait to do one of these.

Plus, you get a viking helmet for completing the race!

3. Join a Band

I've also written about this on the blog before. Once the job situation is cleared up, I plan to scour Craigslist to find a band looking for a drummer. I want the band to be a bunch of relaxed, drama-free people who want to play some fun music that gets people dancing. Some original songs, some cover songs. Let's just have some fun.

I really, really want to play live music in front of an audience again. What a rush, man. I miss that, for sure.

4. Skiing

I went skiing for the first time in my life a little less than two years ago with the ex-girl and some friends from the ex-job. It was magnificent. It was exhilarating. There aren't enough good things to say about it.

I fell down, because of course I did. I went too fast. I had no idea what I was doing. It was awesome. Awesome!

I will go again this winter. Who knows, maybe I can get some friends together and pull off an actual ski weekend. How ridiculous would that be? Very ridiculous.

5. New York

New York is my favorite city in the United States. By far. My extended family lives close by, and I have some friends who live there as well.

I want a weekend in the city with everyone who can make it. I want to go to the top of the Empire State building again. I want to see Ground Zero again. I want to go to a Yankee game again. I want to go to the top of the Statue of Liberty.

Yes, I want to be a moronic tourist. And then I want to go out until the bars close at 4 a.m. (ATTN: NICK, MIKE AND EVERYONE. WE MUST DO THIS.).

Or I want to go for a weekend with some of my DC friends. Why not? It's only a few-hour drive away.

I haven't been to New York in a while. Maybe two years? Too long. Let's do this.

6. Cousins Weekend

I wrote extensively about my weekend in Savannah with my uncle and cousins. It was one of the most ridiculous weekends I've ever had.

We will do it again. Jeb and I already began preliminary discussions about the next weekend. We think April-ish might be the best time for it since the weather is mostly good anywhere then.

We have a few ideas for other cities, but we also kind of feel like a Savannah sequel would be pretty awesome.

In any case, beware. A pack of Grossmans will invade someplace this spring and cause scenes of debauchery all over the place. LET'S GO!

7. Look Good

My weekend in Raleigh set me back a few pounds, but it wasn't crazy. I'm so, so close to my goal weight of 180 pounds. It's unbelievable. When I set the goal, 180 seemed so far away -- an impossible pie-in-the-sky number I'd never reach. Now I'm within five-to-seven pounds of the goal.

I've said it before, but I won't stop at 180. My updated goal will be more body-fat-percentage related than weight-related. When I was up near 230 pounds back in the Spring, my body fat was 30 percent. Yikes.

I've gotten it down to 22 percent since then, which is an awesome improvement. But there's still work to do. I'd love to get down to 17 percent. That's my ultimate goal. Really, it's about fitting comfortably into smaller clothes, which I've been doing a LOT lately. I'm down from extra-large shirts to medium shirts in some cases. And I've recently downgraded from 38-inch jeans to 34-inch jeans.

Still work to do. Can't get satisfied or complacent. Gotta push as hard as I ever have. Time to crank up the intensity in the gym.

CAN'T WAIT.

8. Run More 5Ks

If you've ever completed a race of any kind, you know how insane it is. Doesn't matter what the distance is. Running a race gets the adrenaline and the blood pumping like nothing else. After I absolutely kicked the ass of my last 5K, I want to run more.

I just love the race atmosphere. And competing against myself and pushing myself to do better than I did last time. It's a hell of a drug.

So why not run more 5Ks? No real good reason not to! The half-marathon training program I use calls for a 5K race about halfway through, so I'll aim for one around then. It also calls for a 10K race three weeks before the half-marathon, so I'll also look for one of those!

I'm so excited right now haha.

9. Camping

I haven't been camping since I was 14 years old. I remember loving it then. I went with a couple friends and one of the friend's parents.

We ended up breaking the tent somehow. I'm not sure what we did, but I know we were not successful in constructing the tent. We also made it impossible to be successful constructing the tent somehow. We ended up putting the tent exterior on the ground to sleep on and hanging a tarp in the trees above our heads so we were covered in some way. Lulz.

I'd absolutely love to go camping again. A decent tent isn't even that expensive. You can get an OK tent for like $60 at Dick's.

Sounds like an awesome weekend to me. Bring some friends, some alcohol and hang out in the woods? Yes and please.

Also, it would give me a chance to take part in one of my absolute FAVORITE pastimes -- staring at the stars. I can (and have, by the way) lie down and stare at the stars for hours on end. I'm fascinated. Always have been.

Even now, if I walk outside at night, I instinctively look up just to see what there is. Unfortunately, living so close to the city, there isn't much. If we went camping far enough away, I bet we could see some kick ass stars.

10. Kayaking

I've been kayaking a couple of times with my family on big family vacations with aunts, uncles and the aforementioned cousins.

I remember humorous situations involving my sister refusing to paddle anymore, leaving me to propel the two-person kayak on my own. And large insects/spiders falling into the kayak with us. I care less for the insects.

But the kayaking itself! It's a tough workout, man, but I remember loving it. There are a shit-ton of rivers around here. I bet it's possible to kayak in them.

DC friends, seems like it would be a good way to burn some of the calories we take in on some weekend nights, no?

There are other things I'd like to do, like visit California, spend some time in Europe, go snorkeling again, SCUBA, etc. But it seems irresponsible to do some/all of those things with the job situation uncertain. Baby steps first. I'm excited about every item on this list though; I know that much.

Once the job situation becomes clear, perhaps I'll update the list with things that will be more possible then.

Until then, I can't wait to start checking things off.

Do you have any interest in doing any of these things with me? Seriously, please let me know! We'll make some plans, and knock out some of this list.

Thanks for reading, as always. See you Monday!

-BG

Wednesday Rambles

It's going to be hard to top my single life post. According to Google Analytics, the blog received more visitors on Monday than any other day since I've had it. The post is already the fourth-most clicked individual post, which is crazy because it needed only one day to eclipse some posts that have had weeks to accumulate clicks.

Do you remember those old IMChaos links you could put in your AIM profiles, and it would tell you exactly which screennames clicked on it? Damn I wish Google Analytics worked that way haha. Alas, it does not. It cannot tell me who clicks my posts. So fear not, blog stalkers. Also, I love all of you for clicking anyway, so whatevs.

There'd be no point in writing if no one read it, so I'm just glad people find whatever reason they may have to read. And a HUGE thanks for that!

So I got to run my four miles in the rain again today. Kick. Ass. Also, I kicked the run's ass. Ran four miles in 38 minutes -- my second-best time ever on that distance.

Normally when I run, I go really hard for the first mile because I'm trying to finish a mile in under eight minutes. I'm getting there. I think my best mile time right now is 8:07? Either way. The problem with that is it takes enough out of me that by the time the uphill mile 3 rolls around, I have to walk for a few minutes, which really sabotages my total four-mile time.

Today, I decided to take it easy, run casually and try to get a decent time. I still finished mile 1 in 8:42 -- not bad at all for taking it easy. I was able to run the first three miles without stopping, which is impressive because half of mile 3 is straight uphill.

Turns out the strategy worked, as I finished in 38:34. Damn good day!

Although I do have a slight groin situation going on. I don't think it's pulled (THAT'S WHAT SHE SAID), but something isn't right. I might postpone my third run this week until Saturday morning. I'll stretch hardcore for the next few days and see where we are this weekend.

I have to make sure I can play flag football! We're playing Maryland on Sunday morning, and we have a great chance to get a big division win.

We narrowly lost to No. 2 Michigan this past weekend, 20-13. We had the ball with a chance to tie or take the lead with no time on the clock, but the fourth-down pass fell to the ground. We have a LEGIT flag football team, though. CAN'T WAIT to make some noise in the league this year.

Also, since when did Tuesday become the official rain day? This is, like, week FOUR of our softball season, and we've played exactly ONE game due to rain outs and cancellations. C'mon now.

So Rosh Hashanah starts at sundown tonight. If I were a better Jew I could tell you what that means, but, alas, I'm not, so I can't. Besides, I'm technically not at all Jewish, since my mom is Catholic. But you know, as that T-shirt I saw last year said, I'm Jew-ish.

It's the Jewish new year, and apparently it will be the year 5772. So Happy Jew Year to you and yours. I've got nothing else to say here. Lulz.

I went to Giant and bought one of the Jewish memorial candles you light for loved ones. It was 53 cents. I think I can swing that. You light it at sundown, and it burns for 24 hours. It's for my grandfather, who passed away when I was a freshman in college.

He deserves a post on this blog, so I'll probably write one for the anniversary of his passing next month.

Jon texted me today to let me know his parents recently purchased a condo on a lake in Charlotte. Their downstairs neighbor? Pia Sundhage, the U.S. women's soccer coach. Naturally, being the excellent friend he is, he's going to talk to her to try to get me set up with Hope Solo. Obviously.

This much is inarguable: I am, today, one step closer to marrying her than I was yesterday. Don't stop believin'.

So that movie "50/50" comes out this weekend. I'm pretty sure I've talked about it here a few times, so I wont rehash my thoughts on it. But all the trailers I've seen have made me really want to see it. And the song in the trailer, "Do the Panic" by Phantom Planet, is so, so good. Love it.

Anyway. Sorry this post was so terrible haha. My groin hurts. That's my story, and I'm sticking to it. Lulz. I'll try to be funny on Friday; I promise.

Again, thank you a million times to everyone who stops by to read this blog. I just love writing so much, and I hope you get even a fraction of the enjoyment out of reading it as I get out of writing it.

Life is good, friends. Life is really, really good.

-BG

The Single Life

Here's a fact about me that is both absolutely stunning and absolutely true: I've never really been single.

Over the past 14 years, I've been engaged (twice) more often than I've been single for longer than a couple weeks (once). I'll pause here for that to sink in. LULZ.

Yeah, so THAT happened.

I've had relationships, and those relationships have ended; but, more often than not, I slid into another relationship within a couple of weeks -- if that long, in some cases. I like to joke that I'm a serial monogamist.

Casual dating and sleeping around has never really been something I've been particularly interested in or adept at making work. I'm much more suited to serious relationships. And I don't think there's necessarily anything wrong with that, especially since I'm aware of it, and I take steps to try to manage it haha. But it's definitely how I am.

The ex-girl and I split some months back now, and a strange thing happened to me. I was consumed, not with finding another girlfriend, but with getting my shit straight. I'm sure that's a normal reaction for most people, but in high school and college, I always just wanted to find another girlfriend. It was always my gut instinct.

And as Rob Gordon says in High Fidelity, "I've been listening to my gut since I was 14 years old, and, frankly speaking, I've come to the conclusion that my guts have shit for brains."

I mean, seriously, brief aside: how brilliant is that movie/book? Love it.

So yeah. There you go. Previously, after a break-up, all I really wanted was to find a girlfriend because I didn't particularly like being alone. But really, who does?

Like I said, this time felt different. For the first time, I absolutely didn't care about talking to girls or trying to go on dates or whatever. Don't get me wrong, I gave it a few half-hearted attempts over the past few months, but it became clear I wasn't into it. I had no interest in trying to date someone else. At all.

Perhaps it was my gut having its first good idea since I was 14 years old. I don't know.

I know what you're probably thinking. This is a post to convince others (and myself) that it's OK I don't have a girlfriend and I promise everything is OK and please believe me!

Couldn't be further from the truth, and I believe I have a convincing argument.

First of all, it's been the unanimous opinion of every friend I've seen recently that they cannot believe how happy and energetic and full of life I am now. Exact words are usually something like, "Wow, the difference between talking to you now and talking to you four or five months ago is incredible. You seem happier than I've ever seen you." Four or five months ago was pretty much the lowest point I'd ever been at, if you'll recall.

That tells me everything I've been working so hard on these past few months has been totally and completely worth it and successful.

Second, spending serious time working out and watching what I eat has been one of the best things I could have ever done for myself. Look, obviously I'm not saying I didn't do these things because I was in a relationship. That's nonsensical.

But would I have felt the same urge, desire and motivation to push myself as hard as I continue to push myself if I were NOT single? I'm not sure. I do know that being single gave me a LOT more time to spend lifting weights, walking Allie and running.

And let's be honest, you can say "hey sweetheart, how do you feel about chicken breast, steamed veggies and tuna for dinner?" only so often. When you're with someone, even when you cook together, it's SOOO easy to fall into unhealthy eating habits. I have had my share of that. Plus, there's going out to dinner and dates and etc. You know how it goes.

I needed to be extreme with my food choices for a while to instill good habits and discipline. I'm in a much better place with that now. I make much smarter decisions with food now than I ever have. I eat less food now than I ever have. God I'm so happy with this haha. I'm just so much healthier than I've ever been, it's ridiculous.

Next, going out with my friends as much as I have been. Again, I'm NOT saying I couldn't have gone out with my friends when I wasn't single. That's illogical. Of course I could have. But you know. Let's be reasonable. There are only so many times when you can say, "hey sweetheart, I'm going downtown to drink with my friends three times this week, cool?" I'm just saying. That would probably wear thin on ANY significant other after a while, and probably understandably so. But at the same time, I needed it. Big time.

As I (jokingly, of course) said to Nick in Raleigh, life can be a lot of fun when you don't have to worry about disappointing and/or embarrassing a girl haha. That's clearly NOT serious, but you know what I'm saying. It's probably not as easy to go home and have the following exchange, "So what did you do tonight?" "Oh you know. Danced like an ass for four hours."

Finally, did you read what I wrote up there? I've been engaged twice, and I haven't been single since I was approximately 15 years old. I think some time to myself to figure out my own shit was a little overdue, don't you?

As my friend Ashlee said to me, it's hard to find out who you are when you find yourself as half of a whole for so long. Well said! And true!

Before this summer, the longest I'd been single since I was 15 years old was less than six weeks. And even then, it wasn't really six weeks of being single because we never stopped speaking, hanging out or living together. So you know. There's that.

I have never taken the opportunity to look at myself, to improve on the things I felt needed improvement or to figure out what I truly want. I am 29 years old, friends. I'm a grown-ass man, dawg. It's been well past time for a while now for a little self-analysis and reflection.

I'm not saying I have it all figured out. It's only been, what, four months? But I have a much better perspective on myself. I'm in SUCH a better place mentally and physically right now. It's difficult even to comprehend where I was back in April.

The improvements I've made since then -- I mean, wow. There really aren't words for it. My energy level is through the ROOF. So much so, in fact, that J. Mike referred to dancing all night as "pulling a BG." I'm nearly at my goal weight of 180 pounds (from an all-time high of almost 230 pounds), which will only be a pit-stop on my way to 170 or 175 or even 165. Who knows.

I am comfortably running at least four miles three times a week. And I'm running five miles on the weekends. I made ridiculous improvements on my 5k time a few weeks ago. I'm now looking toward making similarly significant progress on my half-marathon time of 2:19:51.

I've been setting personal bests in one-mile, two-mile, three-mile and four-mile times almost daily for weeks now. I've almost got my one-mile time under eight minutes. My two-mile time is hovering right around 16 or 17 minutes. I recorded my best-ever four-mile time last week before I went to Raleigh.

I said GODDAMN it feels good to be a gangsta.

So. All of that is to say this: the past four months or so. Being single, being alone by my own designs and of my own volition for once and NOT trying to hop into another relationship is the best thing that's ever happened to me.

Like I said, I don't have it all figured out. But I have a much greater understanding of who I am and what I want -- things I'd never really bothered to consider before. All that running allows for a lot of reflection and thought.

Now, all of THAT is to say this: I think it's finally time. I feel like I'm ready to see other people and finally put all of my rediscovered awesomeness to good use, no? Although my new perspective on things is also most definitely telling me we'll take things slow this time as compared to, say, every other time in my life. Lulz.

It's been four months, and I've spent a hell of a lot of time working on myself. Feels like a good time to put myself back out there.

Let's go, friends. LET. US. GO.

-BG